SINGAPORE : Kumar is fumbling with his lines.

It’s that part of the show where he announces certain house rules to observe. This includes no eating, no singing along to his songs, no unexpected yelps of pleasure when his hunky entourage struts onstage, no … He pauses.

But that doesn’t stop everyone at Tuesday’s rehearsals for the show Kumar The Queen from giggling. Not because the iconic drag queen of local stand-up comedy has flubbed his lines (he can easily whip out impromptu quips at the flick of a pinkie, anyway) but because, well, how can you not, even if you know what he’s going to say next?

Yes, many have said that after 15 years, Kumar has grown predictable - the same ol’ lines about aunties and ah bengs, the tongue-in-cheek jibes at the PAP and Chee Soon Juan (in equal measures, mind you), self-effacing comments about his Indian heritage, anything to do with sex …

So, why are we still laughing?

Is it because he’s a man wearing women’s clothes? In this day and age, surely not. Because he’s the only cross-dressing Indian man on this whole island with a ready bag of crass, sexist and racist punch lines at his disposal? Getting warmer.

Is it because he gets away with it?

Bingo. The man himself is very much aware of this.

“I know I’m walking a fine line and it’s all touch and go,” Kumar told TODAY during a break from the rehearsals.

He still performs regularly on Fridays and Saturdays at 3 Monkeys Caf
 at Orchard Towers.

“I’m thinking of the same things (issues, personalities) that the audience is. But I’m thinking out loud.”

“As long as I don’t make things up and don’t name names (it’s fine).”

Not that audiences are likely to remember who he took a jab at when they leave a show, whether it’s at a bar or a theatre. After all, it’s expected, remember? Instead, what will stick in their minds is that someone named Kumar did it.

Kumar, however, is a persona that has grown bigger than the person. Who cares what his full name is or how old he is (for the record, he’s 39) as long as he does what he does.

“If they see me in make-up, it’s no longer a ‘tranny’ or a ‘faggot’, it’s Kumar, lah,” he said, agreeing that to some degree he has pigeonholed himself.

“If I had given myself a (separate) stage persona, it’ll be easier for me to be different onstage and later come out of it and be Kumar. But it still works for me.”

Indeed, if it ain’t broken, why fix it? Kumar The Queen, which will be directed by Selena Tan, brings back he glam cabaret act from Kumar’s previous haunt, the now-defunct Boom Boom Room.

Lots of dancing, naughty innuendos, a trip to India and China - typical Kumar, but bigger.

When he started off in 1992, there ere too many restrictions: “I couldn’t wear a dress or a bra, couldn’t say this, couldn’t say that. At that time, people weren’t ready for it.”

“But they’re more ready for me now.”

Many have said that the novelty factor died long ago. He is now one of us - or maybe even an ideal. Through Kumar, we can poke fun at ourselves and authority, we can dress up and talk down, we can be weird or have - God forbid - a sense of humour.

Time’s up and he has to go back to work on his lines. But before that, he lets us in on another one of his many secrets to longevity.

“If you give s**t, you have to give s**t to everybody.”

The Queen has spoken.

WHAT: Kumar The Queen

WHEN: 5 to 7 Oct; 8 PM

WHERE: Esplanade Theatre

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Channel News Asia

The complete drink

A SLICE of watermelon is the closest thing to heaven for a parched throat in summer. A watermelon may weigh even up to 20 kg. The flesh comes in three colours — the familiar red, white and yellow. It is rich in lycopene, an antioxidant that gives the tomato its luscious colour.

Lycopene prevents heart disease and cancer by mopping up free radicals, which contain highly reactive molecules that attack DNA and the inner lining of blood vessels. Cells with damaged DNA can turn cancerous. Blood vessels with damaged inner linings are prime targets for the build-up of vessel-narrowing plaques and cholesterol deposits.

A diet rich in antioxidants like lycopene can lower risk of such diseases, besides slowing the aging process.

The juicy flesh is also rich in Vitamin A and contains some Vitamin C.

Vitamin A is essential for vision, reproduction, growth and for maintaining healthy skin.

The fruit pulp is low in sodium and is good for heart patients on a low salt diet. 100 grams of juicy watermelon flesh contains 32 calories.

Although this makes it an excellent low-calorie snack, its high water content makes it easy to overeat without feeling sated.

A few slice on a hot day, and bingo, you are in the custard apple calorie bracket. It gets worse if you add sugar to the juice or ice cream. No low-calorie food comes with an eat-all-you-want licence.

M. RAJIV

Hindu On Net